


(Not) Fair

by ryoku



Category: Pandora Hearts
Genre: Gen, M/M, Pandora Hearts Fanfest 2015
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 02:02:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4245342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryoku/pseuds/ryoku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elliot wishes that he was more, and could offer more, because Leo can offer so much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Not) Fair

It's sort of amazing, that it's him, and that it's them. Well, at least Elliot thinks so. 

He is almost the definition of average. He's got a regular school life, an average home life, an average music habit, and a more than moderate interest in books. It isn't all he's got, but it's all he likes to mention. They're the positives. Oh, and Leo, of course. He has Leo, which is the amazing part. 

Leo is as old as dirt. Quite literally, Elliot is sure he could find dirt that is younger than Leo. He's like, the leader of his own cult, with followers, and his eyes are this strange sort of fusion of colors and stars and perfection. Leo also has money, and a mansion full of cats and live in maids, and a million books. Leo is the definition of not average, in just about every way.

Still, Leo chose him, despite all of his average ways, despite all of the negatives that Elliot wishes he could avoid. 

Elliot knows that isn't exactly true. Leo chose someone a long time ago, that had the same face as his. But that stops there, because Leo doesn't talk much about that Elliot. He says that person is long gone, and that he only wants to meet this new person that is Elliot. He isn't sure if Leo is lying or not. Some days, he's sure of it. Others, he can't be sure. The depth of Leo's feelings are something astounding, and Elliot almost can't believe that he is the one they cling to. It makes so little sense.

See, the thing is that Leo didn't really move on, but he sorta did, in a strange way. Elliot isn't really sure how Leo could hold onto the image of one person for so long, but when he looks at Leo's eyes, he thinks that he might be able to understand. Just maybe those depths has room for that kind of heartbreak and beauty.

He wonders if their positions were switched, if he would do the same. If Leo was the one in a hospital bed, and Elliot was the one that had the cat mansion and the maids, would Elliot be looking at Leo the same way? Maybe not, but he thinks that there is a pretty high chance he would. He has been called stubborn all his life, so actually, the answer is more of a 'probably' than a 'maybe'.

Often, Elliot thinks about how unfair life is, how little time they had together. He isn't the last Elliot, and he won't be the next Elliot. He is just this one, and his fragile body is breaking on him. It isn't fair, he wants to stay. He wants to make sure that Leo keeps smiling, and those eyes laugh like they're suppose to. He wants to stargaze where the light of the hospital don't obscure them. He wants to go to the beach and lather up Leo's pale skin with sunscreen. He wants to move into the cat mansion with all it's books, with or without his parents' permission. He wants to worry about how exactly one kisses a man that is older than dirt, because surely Leo is a great kisser since he's had so much time to practice. There is none of that now. 

All of this was unexpected. He's young, and should be at the peak of his life. He obviously is not. Instead he is here, stuck in this hospital bed, in this hospital room, day in and day out, wasting his time trying to save it. Elliot is pretty sure he should have just done what he wanted from the start, but that's over with now. He does want to live longer, and the doctors say this is the way to do it, even if it keeps him away from almost everything he loves.

His parents still don't know who Leo is. All they know is that he doesn't sleep much, and that somehow he has bribed the staff at the hospital to let him stay when they shouldn't let him. Elliot's parents don't really like Leo, but Elliot doesn't care. That would never matter. He thinks about a situation where he chose Leo over them. It make him feel bad, that this man can so enthrall him to disregard his parent concern for him, but Elliot knows if it came down to it, there would be no question. Maybe it's childish, but Elliot wants to believe in the romance and love that overflows out of Leo's eyes. What his parents think, somehow doesn't matter as much. It isn't natural for him to be this way, but he can't help it either.

What does matter is Leo tracing fingers through his hair, with eyes that look like the world is ending again. What does matter is their hands laced together, as Elliot plays out melodies on Leo's knuckles and hums. 

It isn't fair, but it seems to be what he's been given; so he holds that hand with what meager strength he can, and he tells himself not to let go. There isn't really anything he can give to Leo. No long cherished memories; he hasn't lived long enough for that. No beautiful melodies; because his are all plain, and boring and probably too sad these days. There's really nothing he can offer Leo at all. That isn't fair either, but Leo still wants to be around. Still wants to stay with him as he falls to pieces. None of it is right, but it's where they've ended up.

He doesn't know how long he has. It could be days, weeks, months, maybe, if he's lucky, even a year. Elliot has no idea, and the doctors only speculate. Still, Elliot vows, that with what time he has left, he won't let go of Leo's outstretched hand. Even though he should, even though he should let Leo move away, move on, find someone else with a similar face, Elliot won't. As long as he can, he will hold onto Leo's bony fingers, and listen while Leo reads him stories, and brings him food he isn't suppose to have. 

Elliot resents that it isn't fair, none of it, but he will accept it all the same, because he doesn't have any choice in the matter. But if he did, certainly, he'd make all this better. He can't, so he just keeps holding on.


End file.
